i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
