I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize