I hate all girls vehemently.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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