either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
