we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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