look no pants
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Randomize
