I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
