You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
