I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
