I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
