I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
