im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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