everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
