My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
