i was born a porn star she said
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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