I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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