I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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