good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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