I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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