i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
