what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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