Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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