My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
