there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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