wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
