I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
