Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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