I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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