Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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