his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
