Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
