im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
