Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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