Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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