remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
