i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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