i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
