you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
