I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I will pee on everything he values.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
