Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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