dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think a kid would responsible me up
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Success! We fucked roommates!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
