boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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