So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
