I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
two words: eviction party
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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