Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
