I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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