dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
