And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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