so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
