Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
