Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
