Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize