just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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