im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
