In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
And then my night got REAL pukey
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
