think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
