I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
