You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize