He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
