you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
