Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize