Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
