i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
