I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
