hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
