I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
