u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
