you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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