Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Did I show you my penis last night?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
