And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
