Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
