I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
