we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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