i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
