How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
