I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
