now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
