lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize